We all get them - calls from companies trying to sell us things we don't need or want. I think they call it "telemarketing."
Most of the time, the calls are recorded pitches. On these, most of us simply hang up. But now and then a real live person is on the other end with a scripted message. For a time, Wampus and Mrs. Wampus would interrupt and inform the caller that we charged $5 a minute to listen. We insisted on the name, phone number and address of the caller, reminding him or her that the clock was running. The conversations usually were short-lived.
But on a recent day, Mrs. Wampus had time on her hands and mischief on her mind when such a call came:
"I am delighted to inform you that you have just won a $1,000 shopping spree at your favorite shopping center in Dudley, North Carolina," gushed the caller.
"But we don't have a shopping center at Dudley," replied Mrs. Wampus. "We only have Smith Brothers store."
The caller persisted: "You do go to a shopping center sometimes, though, don't you?"
"Maybe once or twice a year," she admitted.
"And you do have credit cards," insisted the caller.
In her best Mrs. Archie Bunker impersonation, Mrs. Wampus replied: "Cards? Oh, I have lots of cards. I have three whole decks. The ace of spades is missing from one deck. I think my husband did something with it..."
"Oh, no, I mean credit cards. Don't you have a bank account and doesn't the bank give you a credit card, and don' t you sometimes use a credit card at Smith Brothers store at Dudley, North Carolina..."
"Oh, yes, we have a bank account and there's lots of money in it and we take some out sometimes and it's a good thing because Mr. Smith likes cash for his groceries and things and he has lots of things, like shoes and boots and overalls and even dresses and ..."
But about then, Mrs. Wampus lost him.
"Too bad," she lamented. "I was just getting started!"
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